I've been feeling 'fired' by this Dr. Manchild who I will now graciously call Dr. N. Two phone messages and two emails since last Thursday and then presto... just like that he called me late yesterday. Not sure who scored on this round - him or me. Dr.'s get respect - why shouldn't patients - I'm just sayin....
Now that we're back on level ground, we conversed - about stuff I really didn't want to know but unfortunatly must deal with. New talk about this 'blockage' in the old ureter/kidney so now we have to determine what it is. Could be a tumour, could be a stone, could be ?? I'm going with a stone - better than a tumour methinks. Now he's in action mode - wants it done ASAP - booking clerk calls 11 am today - I'm booked in May 4th for the procedures - and yes that's plural! Wait a minute, that's the day after I'm supposed to have a colonoscopy. In the theatre of your mind imagine - colonoscopy one day, urinary system invaded the next - not gonna happen!! Which one do I want to do more - tough call if you get my drift. So a date with Dr. N. May 4th it will be - yahoo.
Is this all more information than you need to know?? Such is the life I lead...
Stay well my friends
Rest easy Wayne.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Snap
Lots of things snap - turtles snap, rice krispies snap, suspenders snap, mousetraps snap, you snap your fingers, elastic definitely snaps but me... I never snap. Until this last Thursday. Maybe I was just ornery that day in general but after waiting one hour for the urologist I left. I like to think that I'm a relatively patient person but being a good patient isn't always the easiest job.
C'mon - 60 minutes to anticipate something I really don't want to hear! I understand doctors get behind, I understand that sometime the patient just needs more attention - lord knows I've been there - but how about a little communication. My 10:30 appointment started off well enough - right on schedule they led me to the consultation room, where I sat waiting for 30 minutes with just a large poster of the urinary tract system on the wall for my reading pleasure. Fair enough I guess, he is a urologist after all but how much do I really want to know. Then Dr. oh-my-gawd-you're-just-a-manchild comes in, opens my file and says 'didn't you just have a CT? - yes I replied - 2 weeks ago. At now 11:05 he says well it's not in the file so I'll just go print it off the computer - be right back. Right back turns into another 10 minutes and he pops his head in the doorway - I'm still studying the layout of a male's urinary tract - and says won't be long now. THEN he proceeds to in the next consultation room with another patient. I am now provoked into action - how long is 'won't be long'? I'm no longer in the mood to find out since it's now 11:30 and I've missed my coffee date and could probably draw a urinary tract from memory. So I'm done - I'm gone.
The end of the story you think?? Not so. When I get home there's a message from Dr. Man-child left @ 1:15 pm - is that how long 'won't be long' is? I've calmed down somewhat so I call him back - like he asked. Now another 10 minutes trying to connect with a human voice but no I can't talk to him. Can I leave a message? 'She' replies - he'll probably call you back later - he usually does. No really I'd like to leave a message. 'She' replies - if I see him I'll tell him you called.
And now it's Sunday and guess what - haven't talked to him yet. Maybe Monday.
C'mon - 60 minutes to anticipate something I really don't want to hear! I understand doctors get behind, I understand that sometime the patient just needs more attention - lord knows I've been there - but how about a little communication. My 10:30 appointment started off well enough - right on schedule they led me to the consultation room, where I sat waiting for 30 minutes with just a large poster of the urinary tract system on the wall for my reading pleasure. Fair enough I guess, he is a urologist after all but how much do I really want to know. Then Dr. oh-my-gawd-you're-just-a-manchild comes in, opens my file and says 'didn't you just have a CT? - yes I replied - 2 weeks ago. At now 11:05 he says well it's not in the file so I'll just go print it off the computer - be right back. Right back turns into another 10 minutes and he pops his head in the doorway - I'm still studying the layout of a male's urinary tract - and says won't be long now. THEN he proceeds to in the next consultation room with another patient. I am now provoked into action - how long is 'won't be long'? I'm no longer in the mood to find out since it's now 11:30 and I've missed my coffee date and could probably draw a urinary tract from memory. So I'm done - I'm gone.
The end of the story you think?? Not so. When I get home there's a message from Dr. Man-child left @ 1:15 pm - is that how long 'won't be long' is? I've calmed down somewhat so I call him back - like he asked. Now another 10 minutes trying to connect with a human voice but no I can't talk to him. Can I leave a message? 'She' replies - he'll probably call you back later - he usually does. No really I'd like to leave a message. 'She' replies - if I see him I'll tell him you called.
And now it's Sunday and guess what - haven't talked to him yet. Maybe Monday.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Things 'n Stuff
Okay so I got tired of being laughed at every time I took my circa 2001 cell phone out so I stepped over the edge and got a SmartPhone. Today already I'm stressed at trying to figure this thing out although I have to say I looks pretty chichi when I whip it out of my purse!! Today's mission is, at the very least, to figure out how to answer it should anyone happen to call me.
Speaking of food - my freezer is full! Eating well is not one of my specialties. But thanks to my buddy Deb who loves to be in the kitchen, she offered to spend her Sunday afternoon in my kitchen cooking up some delights to freeze and thus, should eating occur to me I wouldn't have to think about what to eat - I can now simply open my freezer and decided WHAT to eat!! Stuffed potatoes, chicken dishes, meatballs, mac 'n cheese.... mmmmmm good - you are the best friend my friend!
And speaking of being on the brink of health I feel better this last couple of days than I have in a long while. Wednesday was my marathon day at the clinic - tests, appts and treatments. After lamenting over every pain and itch and every other minor and major discomfort of this last 4-5 weeks, my Dr. concluded that I should have a treatment of hydration along with my Pamidronate. And holy feel-better immediately! Even when I was 'in the chair' I could feel the burning in my hands/feet subside and now they no longer feel like they're going to explode. Even my energy level seems to have improved. Between that and taking a few extra days off before my next round of chemo - 17th round - we're hoping that my side-effects settle down. Here's hoping.
Sending a huge bouquet of loving thoughts and endless hope to my friend Susan - she has just had her first TheraSphere treatment and considering the harshness of this type of therapy seems to be coping well. Susan is so very positive and upbeat and brave and doesn't really have time for this cancer nonsense - her outlook and attitude so inspires me.
Stay well my friends
Speaking of food - my freezer is full! Eating well is not one of my specialties. But thanks to my buddy Deb who loves to be in the kitchen, she offered to spend her Sunday afternoon in my kitchen cooking up some delights to freeze and thus, should eating occur to me I wouldn't have to think about what to eat - I can now simply open my freezer and decided WHAT to eat!! Stuffed potatoes, chicken dishes, meatballs, mac 'n cheese.... mmmmmm good - you are the best friend my friend!
And speaking of being on the brink of health I feel better this last couple of days than I have in a long while. Wednesday was my marathon day at the clinic - tests, appts and treatments. After lamenting over every pain and itch and every other minor and major discomfort of this last 4-5 weeks, my Dr. concluded that I should have a treatment of hydration along with my Pamidronate. And holy feel-better immediately! Even when I was 'in the chair' I could feel the burning in my hands/feet subside and now they no longer feel like they're going to explode. Even my energy level seems to have improved. Between that and taking a few extra days off before my next round of chemo - 17th round - we're hoping that my side-effects settle down. Here's hoping.
Sending a huge bouquet of loving thoughts and endless hope to my friend Susan - she has just had her first TheraSphere treatment and considering the harshness of this type of therapy seems to be coping well. Susan is so very positive and upbeat and brave and doesn't really have time for this cancer nonsense - her outlook and attitude so inspires me.
Stay well my friends
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Just Write!
Just write - anything - something - get started, the words will come. I've been saying that to myself for days and days now. The longer I don't blog the harder it is to get back to it. So who knows how today's blog will read! Looking back at March on my calendar, there's been a lot of activity - not that I've been all that active but I jot down all sorts of events others are doing/having/celebrating - just trying to keep up with what my friends/family are up to. I've had a few events this month tho that were special... and some not so special!
Special included seeing Smokey Robinson (yes, again) - I would see him perform every week if he was in town. He is the smoothest, sexyist, most romatic, talented soul singer of my generation and he's still got it for me - hard to believe he's 71!! Wait.. he can't be - that makes me how old?!! Very special was attending the wedding of my 'Paula-baby' and her chosen one - Darian. I'm sitting here smiling as I recall one of the lines of their vows when they giggled and promise to 'be partners in mischief' for the rest of their lives - it was so sweet and tender. I wish them every happiness possible.
Also special was to receive my copy of the 'Women and Cancer' issue put out by the Canadian Woman Sudies Journal of York University ( http://www.yorku.ca/cwscf/index.html). Allow me to brag for a moment! I did a presentation back in April 09 on behalf of the support group I attend at the BC Cancer Agency which was very well received and I was encouraged to 'morph' it into an article and submit it to the CWS for possible inclusion into this special issue.... and it was included... which allows me to say that I've been published!! While you can't see the actual article on-line (and if you're interested) I posted the piece in my Apr 2010 blog. This issue covers much territory regarding women and cancer but for me the most profound and encouraging parts are in the poetry and personal narratives of other women living in the same world as I do.
Callanish Writes V also arrived - another precious book of poetry by the Callanish community - a volume exploring 'Time' - our past, our present and our future. This volume begins with poems written to Kirsten - the first time in four workshops without her physical presence. And we felt her absence so strongly that it was clear to everyone that Kirsten would be the prompt for our writing that 1st session. Kirsten was the inspiration for what has become a Callanish tradition and we will continue to write in her honor with so much love and gratitude for creating a space within ourselves to write without fear or restraint or judgement as Callanish Writes VI begins in April.
On the not-so-special side of things my hot-water tank sprang a leak... what a disaster a small amount of water can create. After several frenzied phone calls a plumber showed up with a new tank and the restoration folks showed up shortly thereafter to rip up the flooring and all that goes along with that. Let me just interject this saga with this tidbit - I should have been at the spa for a massage/manicure/pedicure that day - now you know how 'not-special' this event was. My now insurance-approved plan is to have the flooring in the kitchen and guest bathroom taken up and used to replace the hallway flooring and then install tile in those two rooms. Just when I thought I was done with renovating! As of now I still have a cement floor hallway without closet doors - which is just special cuz I can not only watch but hear my laundry being done from my comfy chair!
Other not-so-special news. That cold I had in February? Well it didn't go away before I started my chemo and starting off not feeling very well made things go pretty downhill. For some reason or another - I'll sort that out this week at my appointment - my side-effects were pretty severe - burning hands & feet - in fact off my feet for a couple of days and such fatigue that the last 3 days of this round were spent on the couch reading and napping. I still have the burning sensations and my energy isn't what it should be. Wednesday will be a full day at the clinic starting @ 8am for bloodwork, then Dr. appt, then scans, then treatment. Not sure what the Dr. appt will bring - my last reports show my tumour markers up a bit again and my kidney function tests appear to have crossed the line from high-normal to just plain old high so methinks something will have to be done soon. I have an appointment with the urologist April 14th. And maybe I'll have my voice back soon - I've had laryngitis for the last week!!
Could that possibly be spring outside??
Stay well my friends.
Special included seeing Smokey Robinson (yes, again) - I would see him perform every week if he was in town. He is the smoothest, sexyist, most romatic, talented soul singer of my generation and he's still got it for me - hard to believe he's 71!! Wait.. he can't be - that makes me how old?!! Very special was attending the wedding of my 'Paula-baby' and her chosen one - Darian. I'm sitting here smiling as I recall one of the lines of their vows when they giggled and promise to 'be partners in mischief' for the rest of their lives - it was so sweet and tender. I wish them every happiness possible.
Also special was to receive my copy of the 'Women and Cancer' issue put out by the Canadian Woman Sudies Journal of York University ( http://www.yorku.ca/cwscf/index.html). Allow me to brag for a moment! I did a presentation back in April 09 on behalf of the support group I attend at the BC Cancer Agency which was very well received and I was encouraged to 'morph' it into an article and submit it to the CWS for possible inclusion into this special issue.... and it was included... which allows me to say that I've been published!! While you can't see the actual article on-line (and if you're interested) I posted the piece in my Apr 2010 blog. This issue covers much territory regarding women and cancer but for me the most profound and encouraging parts are in the poetry and personal narratives of other women living in the same world as I do.
Callanish Writes V also arrived - another precious book of poetry by the Callanish community - a volume exploring 'Time' - our past, our present and our future. This volume begins with poems written to Kirsten - the first time in four workshops without her physical presence. And we felt her absence so strongly that it was clear to everyone that Kirsten would be the prompt for our writing that 1st session. Kirsten was the inspiration for what has become a Callanish tradition and we will continue to write in her honor with so much love and gratitude for creating a space within ourselves to write without fear or restraint or judgement as Callanish Writes VI begins in April.
On the not-so-special side of things my hot-water tank sprang a leak... what a disaster a small amount of water can create. After several frenzied phone calls a plumber showed up with a new tank and the restoration folks showed up shortly thereafter to rip up the flooring and all that goes along with that. Let me just interject this saga with this tidbit - I should have been at the spa for a massage/manicure/pedicure that day - now you know how 'not-special' this event was. My now insurance-approved plan is to have the flooring in the kitchen and guest bathroom taken up and used to replace the hallway flooring and then install tile in those two rooms. Just when I thought I was done with renovating! As of now I still have a cement floor hallway without closet doors - which is just special cuz I can not only watch but hear my laundry being done from my comfy chair!
Other not-so-special news. That cold I had in February? Well it didn't go away before I started my chemo and starting off not feeling very well made things go pretty downhill. For some reason or another - I'll sort that out this week at my appointment - my side-effects were pretty severe - burning hands & feet - in fact off my feet for a couple of days and such fatigue that the last 3 days of this round were spent on the couch reading and napping. I still have the burning sensations and my energy isn't what it should be. Wednesday will be a full day at the clinic starting @ 8am for bloodwork, then Dr. appt, then scans, then treatment. Not sure what the Dr. appt will bring - my last reports show my tumour markers up a bit again and my kidney function tests appear to have crossed the line from high-normal to just plain old high so methinks something will have to be done soon. I have an appointment with the urologist April 14th. And maybe I'll have my voice back soon - I've had laryngitis for the last week!!
Could that possibly be spring outside??
Stay well my friends.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Checking In & Catching Up
Snow?? It should be spring here in BC but yesterday a dump of snow - well not really a 'dump' compared to most of our country but enough to make those little crocus and daffodil sprouts cover their heads. At least this means it will warm up now... and I'm ready for that.
Just getting over what is becoming a semi-annual event of cold/bronchitis. Have been feeling very crappy, cough-y and snotty along with a bit of a fever this last week but today feels like I'm on the mend thankfully. Being sick is boring - I've read, slept, watched TV, DVD's and eaten soup - I'm tired of soup now thank you very much. Except for last Tuesday - my 59th birthday - another year under my belt I'm grateful to say. Another thing I'm grateful for is that my pal Deb loves to cook and so a lovely dinner was prepared in my honor and that along with a bouquet of yellow roses (the color of friendship) made me a very happy girl. I love getting flowers - Irene sent me a gorgeous bouquet of spring flowers with pink/white lilies, carnations, gerberas etc and between flowers and birthday wishes, phone calls, cards and love sent my way I know how fortunate I am to have so many wondering caring people in my life.
Last Sunday was Kirsten's Celebration of Life. It was a beautiful albeit sad day and yet I found it oddly comforting to be with her family and friends to say my good-bye. It's hard for me to process that I won't talk or laugh with her again except for in the place she holds in my heart. The forecast for Sunday was cloudy and rainy - it was a cold, beautiful, bule-sky morning that arrived. Poems were read and Kirsten stories shared by people who loved her very much. There were lots of dogs, children and birds flying overhead. Kirsten had asked that we put a flower in the water in memory of someone we loved and so we all headed to the shoreline and sent the flowers out - anyone walking that beach Sunday would have surely felt the love. Take care of your hearts Ian & Susan.
What else? Well - I'm starting to think about getting another cat. Annie's been gone two months now and coming home to an empty house isn't the same as coming home to a cat who ignores you!! She really didn't all the time - the minute I sat down she was on my lap and for the most part had to be able to see me from where she was. I've had a lot of trepidation about this right up until this morning when I read a blogger friends post about his dog. And realized how much I miss the company and comfort of a pet. Someone to just hang out with and talk to (yes!!!). So my mission this next couple of weeks will be to find an adoptable cat from the SPCA or VOKRA to come and share the ups and downs of life with me. I have criteria tho that I have to keep reminding myself of - NO MORE long-hair cats. Webbie & Annie were both Persians and would only go to the vet to get their hair done - no brushing allowed. They both had to be put under in order to get groomed and their do's cost 3x as much as mine - not that I minded the financial cost but the physical cost to them of being put under all the time worried me. So with that in mind I will being my search.... more to come on that.
Healthwise things are fairly status quo. I've been on Capecitabine (Xeloda/oral chemo) for a year now and while my tumour markers are are slowly on the rise but not out of control I'm optimistic that I'll get a few more months from this treatment. The fatigue unfortunately isn't getting any better and my hands/feet aren't either but a small price to pay. Kidneys are still an issue and I have another scan at the end of March that will tell us if it's time for the stent or not.
Stay well my friends.
Just getting over what is becoming a semi-annual event of cold/bronchitis. Have been feeling very crappy, cough-y and snotty along with a bit of a fever this last week but today feels like I'm on the mend thankfully. Being sick is boring - I've read, slept, watched TV, DVD's and eaten soup - I'm tired of soup now thank you very much. Except for last Tuesday - my 59th birthday - another year under my belt I'm grateful to say. Another thing I'm grateful for is that my pal Deb loves to cook and so a lovely dinner was prepared in my honor and that along with a bouquet of yellow roses (the color of friendship) made me a very happy girl. I love getting flowers - Irene sent me a gorgeous bouquet of spring flowers with pink/white lilies, carnations, gerberas etc and between flowers and birthday wishes, phone calls, cards and love sent my way I know how fortunate I am to have so many wondering caring people in my life.
Last Sunday was Kirsten's Celebration of Life. It was a beautiful albeit sad day and yet I found it oddly comforting to be with her family and friends to say my good-bye. It's hard for me to process that I won't talk or laugh with her again except for in the place she holds in my heart. The forecast for Sunday was cloudy and rainy - it was a cold, beautiful, bule-sky morning that arrived. Poems were read and Kirsten stories shared by people who loved her very much. There were lots of dogs, children and birds flying overhead. Kirsten had asked that we put a flower in the water in memory of someone we loved and so we all headed to the shoreline and sent the flowers out - anyone walking that beach Sunday would have surely felt the love. Take care of your hearts Ian & Susan.
What else? Well - I'm starting to think about getting another cat. Annie's been gone two months now and coming home to an empty house isn't the same as coming home to a cat who ignores you!! She really didn't all the time - the minute I sat down she was on my lap and for the most part had to be able to see me from where she was. I've had a lot of trepidation about this right up until this morning when I read a blogger friends post about his dog. And realized how much I miss the company and comfort of a pet. Someone to just hang out with and talk to (yes!!!). So my mission this next couple of weeks will be to find an adoptable cat from the SPCA or VOKRA to come and share the ups and downs of life with me. I have criteria tho that I have to keep reminding myself of - NO MORE long-hair cats. Webbie & Annie were both Persians and would only go to the vet to get their hair done - no brushing allowed. They both had to be put under in order to get groomed and their do's cost 3x as much as mine - not that I minded the financial cost but the physical cost to them of being put under all the time worried me. So with that in mind I will being my search.... more to come on that.
Healthwise things are fairly status quo. I've been on Capecitabine (Xeloda/oral chemo) for a year now and while my tumour markers are are slowly on the rise but not out of control I'm optimistic that I'll get a few more months from this treatment. The fatigue unfortunately isn't getting any better and my hands/feet aren't either but a small price to pay. Kidneys are still an issue and I have another scan at the end of March that will tell us if it's time for the stent or not.
Stay well my friends.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
My Friend
My sweet sister-friend Kirsten passed gently into the night early Monday morning with her Ian and her mom beside her. And I'm sure her dog Finnegan somewhere very close. I am a better person having known Kirsten and her spirit will always be alive in my heart.
Rest easy my friend - I miss you already
Saturday, February 5, 2011
A Candle For Kirsten
Kirsten has said that it would give her great comfort if her family and friends would light a candle for her. She is not doing well and my heart is heavy.
Kirsten was unable to attend the Callanish Creative Arts Retreat last week and she was so missed by all - but her pictures were there and her spirit floated all about us. She was so in my heart that I had to express it in words and so I dedicate this piece to my friend:
FRIDAY NIGHT THOUGHTS OF KIRSTEN - JANUARY 28.11
Tonight I write
For you
My friend
My sister friend
My forever friend
You have graced my life with your friendship
My home with your presence
My heart with your kindness
My eyes with your smile
And my soul with your words
You've taught me the art of letting words simply appear
without having to hunt then down
You introduced me to Prudence and let me know
just what kind of a friend she can be
Wiser in your years and gentler in your spirit
You've given me insight into how
the wrong words can be made right
All the while embodying wisdom, spirit and fun
I feel your presence deep in my heart & deep in my soul
For I have learned so much sitting with you these past years
And want to be just like you when I grow up
You've been enveloped in every part of my being these past few months
Now you know I'm not a praying kinda gal
But I wonder, does screaming at the universe to look after you
count in some way
And so tonight I hold you tightly
and want more of you
I won't say good-bye - ever
Not tonight - not ever
Due Tramonti (Two Seasons) by Ludovico Einaudi is a favored Callanish piece introduced to our community and so often played for us by Maryliz - it feels like the right piece to play.
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