If I'd paid more attention in the 60's and 70's I probably would have been a flower child - is it too late to embrace that culture?? I don't think so although I likely have too many shoes, purses, clothes and other materialistic items for an absolutely perfect fit. And the drugs I take are most definitely not those of that era!!
In retrospect I travelled faster than the speed of light for many many years never stopping to consider too many things other than myself - is that the way of all young people? Social consciousness wasn't a phrase I was familiar with although I did have opinions that were based on very little knowledge of any given situation. My world was very small and contained and any opinion I voiced was not based on any kind of passion but the need to be accepted.
One of the great benefits of being in my 50's is that I accept me without apology. I've never been one for heated discussions nor the type to lock horns with others or rant and rave or get on a soap box (well most of the time!). Right or wrong is not an issue - I am right for me and you are right for you. My heart hurts for all the social injustices in the world, for all the tragedy, for all the hungry and cold and for those who have so little and like hundreds of other people I wish I could fix the world. I can't do that but every day I send a silent universal prayer for everyone to treat others with peace, love, understanding and compassion.
I think the Beatles said it best.....
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Oh de coffee!
I miss coffee. That lovely dark sweetly smooth panacea that makes the morning right. Yes - no - maybe so. Yes mornings are when i KNOW I can have one, maybe so mornings are the days I try and don't always succeed getting a cup down and the no mornings are.. well just plain sad.... but today is a yes day and let me tell you just how fine my coffee is!!
So I'm on Day 11 of 14 on the capecitabine and all is well so I'm feeling pretty optimistic. Some might understand the thought that if the chemo isn't making one sick you somehow feel like its not working. I have to remind myself how far treatments have come since 1992. I've been encouraged by some friends who are on the same treatment - my good buddy Jean has been on it for 4 out of 5 years and hasn't had much in the way of side-effects. 4 YEARS!!? I'll take that, hell I'll take 1/2 of that with minimal effects. I suspect that this 'chemo light' (as Jean refers to it!) is cumulative in terms of side effects as I'm starting to experience some tingling and skin reaction along with a few dizzy spells but nothing unmanageable. Although I did sleep most of the weekend - but I do like to sleep so maybe that's not related!!
My last week has been pretty quiet except for the odd reno committee meeting - oh the politics. I don't understand why some people are combative and disagreeable no matter what the topic - question: "Isn't it a lovely day?? answer: Well you might think it's lovely but the clouds are coming, mark my words, and then you'll wish you'd checked the weather forecast better." Oh the energy it must take to always be on the defensive and carry that large a dark cloud around. My answer - Yes - it's lovely right now and clouds come and go - today, tomorrow, next month -but they're not always black or gray and they don't always mean a storm is heading your way. Let your imagination wander when you look at clouds - I've seen some amazing pictures in those cumulonimbus beauties over the years!
My music rant - I finally got around to watching the Grammy Awards and now wonder when I got old. In the immortal words of our parents 'I remember when.....'. So, I remember when they actually gave out all the awards during airtime and let the winners have enough time to convey their gratitude. I remember when the awards were about the artists and not like a Broadway musical. Okay I admit we did have Elton John and the Divine Miss M. I remember when you could actually hear the words to the song. I remember when singers sang songs and didn't talk songs. I remember when dancers were meant to enhance the show not be the show, when singers didn't have to lip-sync so they could dance and I certainly don't remember the stars having to grab their crotch to make a statement. I remember when all categories of music were acknowledged on that particular night and I think it's a shame that music fans don't even get a small opportunity to discover other genres that embrace the world of music as a whole. The music of my generation seems to be timeless though and it was a treat to see Smokey, Quincy, Roberta, Carlos, Jeff, Elton and hear the music of Les Paul. I'm really not that old and I do luv my music - when I can hear it!
While I'm ranting let me say this about the Olympics. Colossal fiasco. I don't profess to have bored myself with all the detail but this I do know. It hurts (and has hurt) the regular joe, the small businessperson, the working public and the small communities of our province who have little or no expectation of compensation over the long term. Does the glory of hosting the Olympics outweigh the disruption and expense caused to the millions of people who live in BC that cannot or do not want to participate?? Not in my mind. I've heard some outrageous stories - one that really put me over the edge is a couple (RCMP) who had to send their children back east to her mother's for 2 weeks since they can't get any time off and thus look after their children - how can that be right? For what? Schools have been closed, roads have been closed, people who commute too many hours now have to add on more hours every day to be away from their children, their home, their parents and pay more tax for this benefit?? Then there are those who need the services of doctors or hospitals - be it urgently or regularly - in the city or outlying areas. Who thought of them? It's hard enough to be ill without having to worry about being late to dialysis or chemo or any number of life-saving treatments. Plan for emergencies?? How does one do that? An ambulance caught in traffic? Buses be re-routed or cancelled? No driving and no parking on main roads that are NOT in the downtown core - what's with that?? Oh and then there's the parking lots who have doubled - yes doubled - their parking rates over the last two weeks? Some people can't even afford to be sick (which is a very sad statement in such a wealthy province - but that's another blog) - never mind having to pay twice as much on parking to find out what's wrong with them. Yes - it's all bad and wrong from my point of view.
What else? Not too much. I've been nesting and puttering and reading and napping and catching up on Masterpiece Theatre - the latest one being 'Miss Austen Regrets'. Had some sweet time with Shirl. Got my beautiful new dining room suite delivered and with the vision of my pal Deb rearranged some furniture for a new look - thanks Deb! The purpose of the new dining room table is not what you might think - I don't really plan on cooking and eating - I plan on taking out my paints and paper and pencils and play 'Art' - yup it's probably the most expensive art table you'll ever see!
Okay so maybe I'm a little cranky today!!
So I'm on Day 11 of 14 on the capecitabine and all is well so I'm feeling pretty optimistic. Some might understand the thought that if the chemo isn't making one sick you somehow feel like its not working. I have to remind myself how far treatments have come since 1992. I've been encouraged by some friends who are on the same treatment - my good buddy Jean has been on it for 4 out of 5 years and hasn't had much in the way of side-effects. 4 YEARS!!? I'll take that, hell I'll take 1/2 of that with minimal effects. I suspect that this 'chemo light' (as Jean refers to it!) is cumulative in terms of side effects as I'm starting to experience some tingling and skin reaction along with a few dizzy spells but nothing unmanageable. Although I did sleep most of the weekend - but I do like to sleep so maybe that's not related!!
My last week has been pretty quiet except for the odd reno committee meeting - oh the politics. I don't understand why some people are combative and disagreeable no matter what the topic - question: "Isn't it a lovely day?? answer: Well you might think it's lovely but the clouds are coming, mark my words, and then you'll wish you'd checked the weather forecast better." Oh the energy it must take to always be on the defensive and carry that large a dark cloud around. My answer - Yes - it's lovely right now and clouds come and go - today, tomorrow, next month -but they're not always black or gray and they don't always mean a storm is heading your way. Let your imagination wander when you look at clouds - I've seen some amazing pictures in those cumulonimbus beauties over the years!
My music rant - I finally got around to watching the Grammy Awards and now wonder when I got old. In the immortal words of our parents 'I remember when.....'. So, I remember when they actually gave out all the awards during airtime and let the winners have enough time to convey their gratitude. I remember when the awards were about the artists and not like a Broadway musical. Okay I admit we did have Elton John and the Divine Miss M. I remember when you could actually hear the words to the song. I remember when singers sang songs and didn't talk songs. I remember when dancers were meant to enhance the show not be the show, when singers didn't have to lip-sync so they could dance and I certainly don't remember the stars having to grab their crotch to make a statement. I remember when all categories of music were acknowledged on that particular night and I think it's a shame that music fans don't even get a small opportunity to discover other genres that embrace the world of music as a whole. The music of my generation seems to be timeless though and it was a treat to see Smokey, Quincy, Roberta, Carlos, Jeff, Elton and hear the music of Les Paul. I'm really not that old and I do luv my music - when I can hear it!
While I'm ranting let me say this about the Olympics. Colossal fiasco. I don't profess to have bored myself with all the detail but this I do know. It hurts (and has hurt) the regular joe, the small businessperson, the working public and the small communities of our province who have little or no expectation of compensation over the long term. Does the glory of hosting the Olympics outweigh the disruption and expense caused to the millions of people who live in BC that cannot or do not want to participate?? Not in my mind. I've heard some outrageous stories - one that really put me over the edge is a couple (RCMP) who had to send their children back east to her mother's for 2 weeks since they can't get any time off and thus look after their children - how can that be right? For what? Schools have been closed, roads have been closed, people who commute too many hours now have to add on more hours every day to be away from their children, their home, their parents and pay more tax for this benefit?? Then there are those who need the services of doctors or hospitals - be it urgently or regularly - in the city or outlying areas. Who thought of them? It's hard enough to be ill without having to worry about being late to dialysis or chemo or any number of life-saving treatments. Plan for emergencies?? How does one do that? An ambulance caught in traffic? Buses be re-routed or cancelled? No driving and no parking on main roads that are NOT in the downtown core - what's with that?? Oh and then there's the parking lots who have doubled - yes doubled - their parking rates over the last two weeks? Some people can't even afford to be sick (which is a very sad statement in such a wealthy province - but that's another blog) - never mind having to pay twice as much on parking to find out what's wrong with them. Yes - it's all bad and wrong from my point of view.
What else? Not too much. I've been nesting and puttering and reading and napping and catching up on Masterpiece Theatre - the latest one being 'Miss Austen Regrets'. Had some sweet time with Shirl. Got my beautiful new dining room suite delivered and with the vision of my pal Deb rearranged some furniture for a new look - thanks Deb! The purpose of the new dining room table is not what you might think - I don't really plan on cooking and eating - I plan on taking out my paints and paper and pencils and play 'Art' - yup it's probably the most expensive art table you'll ever see!
Okay so maybe I'm a little cranky today!!
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