The Next Plan

I know a lot of people who, after a week of work, say 'TGIF' - well that's how I feel this week. The week started with that little procedure - the port. After being assured by the OR nurse that it would hurt and being assured by Dr. Port that he wasn't going to give me the full amount of sedaton I wanted, I 'came to' when he asked how I was doing. To everyone's alarm I couldn't talk - no voice, nada. Seems that my vocal cords and my throat had been frozen - perhaps too much freezing?? Anyway it was pretty scary since Dr. Port and the nurse said that had never happened in their OR before. After a lot of TLC from the recovery room nurses, lot of BP and heart testing my voice started to come back and we all breathed a little easier. My poor sister tho - part of this recover seemed to be coughing - which made me sound and feel like I was trying to toss a fur-ball - not my finest moment! Anyway a few hours later I had the voice back and the fur-ball was gone.

Just for the record - at this point I've been typing away and then poof - the rest of the post just disappeared - that's it - gone. That among other Blogger issues I've had over these last few months. I'm seriously thinking of changing over to wordpress - but I'm nervous I'll lose everything so we'll see. So let me re-create what I think I said!

I took Tuesday off, slept in, caught up on phone calls & emails, ate Tanya's amazing oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with my tea and generally slugged it out on the couch with my Annie. Oh, right. Remember the post where I introduced you to 'Delilah' - well I still have the same darling kitty but she's had a couple of name changes Delilah being too much of a mouthful. Tried Lila for a week or so, no go. Tried Lulu for a couple of weeks, still no go. Just kept calling her Annie - so she is officially named Annie - and I don't think my dearly departed Annie One will mind at all.

Now Wednesday. Overslept, horrendous traffic and an hour late for my labs. My 9:40 appointment was right on schedule tho and Dr. Oncology comes in and ... we talk. My CT scans are stable - no changes to liver, no changes to kidney situation and my lungs are clear. It's the bone scan - there are additional tumours showing up in the left hip area. Which isn't a great surprise to me as I've been having sharp pains in my flank and can 'feel' something that I can't quite explain. So now a two part plan. Plan A - see radiation oncologist (who will be noted as Dr. RO!) next Friday to see if he will agree to some radiation to shrink the tumours; if he agrees then I will do that and stay on this chemo light and we'll monitor what happens. Plan B - if he doesn't think radiation is warranted at this point, then I will stop the chemo and go back to a hormone therapy - Exemestane - to see if that will shrink them. My cancer is HR Positive and I've had good results with hormone therapy in the past. In any case - the times they are a'changing.

A quick note to all my friends who read my blog - I would really appreciate it if you could put your supportive & loving comments right here on my blog rather than on Facebook. I like to re-visit them when I have the need and they get lost on FB after awhile. I've made it easier to post here. Thanks - with lots of luv and big hugs.

Acceptance

Some days posting a blog seems easy enough - right up until I start to do it. So many thoughts in my head, some trivial, some not and then the turmoil begins. How do I go about articulating something meaningful when I'm not even sure what to write about. This blog started out well enough and it's not that I'm not motivated to write it's just that I want to write about the right thing. I want to be honest, to be cheerful, to share the positive and not make too big a deal about the negative. But the negative can be a really big deal - and even tho I can see it thru the lense of a comedy skit or better still.. a reality sitcom - living with MBC is arduous both physically and mentally.

Tomorrow I will be having a "Implantable Venous Access System" - better know in my circle as a port-a-cath - inserted. I've been procrastinating on this for quite some time for various reasons - like not being brave enough to handle all those needles. In fact the actual bravery part is the acceptance of what is good and necessary and helpful. Whenever I'm confronted with a change I feel like I'm slipping down the ladder a little bit more. The now of my life is no exception. This last week has been very trying - I've had a bone scan, monthly IV treatment for the bone mets and a CT scan. I also picked up my reports from last month and see that my tumour markers have jumped 14 points in 30 days. Not a good sign. They have been gradually going up since last year about this time but usually anywhere from 1 to max 5 points during any given month. I suspect there willl be some changes pretty soon in my treatment plan. And that is hard to wrap my head around. I will see my oncologist on Wednesday to put the pieces of this puzzle together - anxiety isn't over-rated right now.

Rest easy Mona