Happy Anniversary!!

I want to wish myself a very happy 5th anniversary!!! Monday, May 16th, 2005, 9:30am was the day I heard my re-diagnosis. Sunday, May 16th, 2010 will be 5 years of living relatively well with this disease. Never did I think 5 years ago that I would still be as well physically, as healthy emotionally or as content as I am 5 years later - in fact I didn't think I would still be alive - but alive I am!

I wrote this reflective piece in 2008:

"Die-Agnosis":

The day was almost ordinary except the phone rang very early… and I knew but wouldn’t say it out loud. Put on your cheerful face I said, be strong. But I know Sharon doesn’t work Mondays, why else would she call me into her office.

Get there ASAP – get it over with. Shower, hair, makeup, trendy little outfit – maybe if I pretend it isn’t so it won’t be so.

Sharon looks sad and compassionate, apologizing like it’s her fault somehow.

Say it isn’t so. It can’t be true. I don’t want to die. I want to see my kids grow up. I’m not done. I’m scared. Tears, tears, tears, my legs give way, Sharon holds me and comforts me.

Metastasis means death – this much I know. But now so much I don’t know. How can I tell my family AGAIN? Please say it isn’t so. I’m exhausted already.

Not an ordinary day after all – life as I knew it changed in a one-minute phone call.

Devastation is all around.

All I can think about it growing old – and this time wanting to.

Since I seem to be all about words this week celebrate comes to mind. Definition of celebrate: To observe a day or commemorate an event with ceremonies or festivities.

Those of us who live with cancer celebrate many things that might seem odd to others - we celebrate birthdays for sure but we celebrate 1-2-3-4-5-10 week, month. year anniversaries of anything pre and post, we celebrate new hair, ports removed, canes being discarded, getting thru the day without a nap, remissions - pretty much everything is worth celebrating.

I am celebrating 5 years I never thought I'd have....