Yesterday was time for my monthly pamidronate treatment and I think I may have appeared just a little smug when I waltzed into the treatment room. After our good mornings Nurse T. said 'well let's get that arm warmed up' and I, after puffing out my chest a bit replied ' I don't need to today - I got myself a portacath!' - like a child who wants to show off their new toy!! That's wonderful she says (visualize mutual hug) your life will be so much easier! And it was and it will be. With that I sat down in my recliner and watched as she swabbed the area and inserted the special needle needed for ports - with just a mild pricking sensation. That was it - 2 minutes max. It used to be anywhere from 10-20 minutes, 2-3 hot towels and then up to as many as 5 tries to get a vein. After pumping in some saline in to make sure all is well I settle in for my 60-minute treatment.. all the while making sure that I wave my arms about at every possible opportunity - because I could!
Patti Port-a-cath - my new best friend! She sits just under the skin of my left breastbone, seems to be relatively easy to get along with and while she does jut out a bit you'll all just have to learn to appreciate how she looks!! Cuz I'm already attached to her!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Thanksgiving
It used to be that Thanksgiving was the one time of the year I would be aware of all that is good in my life. These last few years tho I recognize and acknowledge all that is good in my life on an almost daily basis - gratitude being synonymous with thanksgiving.
I am grateful for my understanding and wholly supportive family. All of them - my sister, 3 brothers, 8 nieces & nephews and 11 great nieces/nephews and all my surrogate children over the years. The essence of who and how I am.
I am grateful for the very many long friendships I have been blessed with - friendships that started in childhood and have stood the test of time thru teenage years, love, marriage, divorce, children and grandchildren, thru illness, sadness & losses, thru silliness, laughter, solidarity and the sheer joy of connection. My girlfriends and my manfriends - the foundation of my life.
I am grateful for all my 'new' friends and the paths that brought us together. I am grateful for all the friends that I have known over the last 6 years who shared their lives with me before passing away. There is a debt of gratitude to each them I cannot repay so I will pay it forward.
I am grateful for my communities without which I would not be able to bear so many things. To my Callanish community who continues to help me live in the now of my life and allows me to be as I am, which allows me to grow in ways I cannot articulate. To my Metastatic Cancer Support Group where we lay down everything, where we laugh and cry and commiserate and educate and compare notes on everything from treatments to side effects to doctors to shoes and travel.
I am grateful for the life I have created for myself over the years by virtue of these relationships - not knowing at the time that what I did, when I did it and the people I chose to keep in my world would lead me to this place of contentment. I am grateful that I was smart enough to banish the ugly, the wrong, the hurtful, the senseless and embrace the good, the moral and the honest.
There has been a question rumbling around in my mind this last while: Why have I been given all this time? I don't know the answer to that but I am grateful that I have been given all this time.
Happy Thanksgiving to my world.
Rest easy Martha.
I am grateful for my understanding and wholly supportive family. All of them - my sister, 3 brothers, 8 nieces & nephews and 11 great nieces/nephews and all my surrogate children over the years. The essence of who and how I am.
I am grateful for the very many long friendships I have been blessed with - friendships that started in childhood and have stood the test of time thru teenage years, love, marriage, divorce, children and grandchildren, thru illness, sadness & losses, thru silliness, laughter, solidarity and the sheer joy of connection. My girlfriends and my manfriends - the foundation of my life.
I am grateful for all my 'new' friends and the paths that brought us together. I am grateful for all the friends that I have known over the last 6 years who shared their lives with me before passing away. There is a debt of gratitude to each them I cannot repay so I will pay it forward.
I am grateful for my communities without which I would not be able to bear so many things. To my Callanish community who continues to help me live in the now of my life and allows me to be as I am, which allows me to grow in ways I cannot articulate. To my Metastatic Cancer Support Group where we lay down everything, where we laugh and cry and commiserate and educate and compare notes on everything from treatments to side effects to doctors to shoes and travel.
I am grateful for the life I have created for myself over the years by virtue of these relationships - not knowing at the time that what I did, when I did it and the people I chose to keep in my world would lead me to this place of contentment. I am grateful that I was smart enough to banish the ugly, the wrong, the hurtful, the senseless and embrace the good, the moral and the honest.
There has been a question rumbling around in my mind this last while: Why have I been given all this time? I don't know the answer to that but I am grateful that I have been given all this time.
Happy Thanksgiving to my world.
Rest easy Martha.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
De-Pink
Oh there is a lot being said among my fellow bloggers about this whole 'Pink Thing'! The more I read the more I realize I'm not the only one with an attitude about the: A) Commercialization of Breast Cancer Awareness; B) The idea that someone out there thinks breast cancer is warm & fuzzy; C) The misconception that breast cancer is alway curable and D) That if you spend your time & energy putting on the right clothes and getting your makeup perfect and your hair or wig properly coif-ed you'll feel oh-so-much better about having cancer.
If you want to understand more about how why many of us BC/MCC folks bristle at the idea of being pink'd - here's a good place to start: http://cancerculturenow.blogspot.com/ . I've only just found this blog but Rachel certainly has the gift to get her point across - for me personally a great read and some other great blogs to connect to.
If you want to understand more about how why many of us BC/MCC folks bristle at the idea of being pink'd - here's a good place to start: http://cancerculturenow.blogspot.com/ . I've only just found this blog but Rachel certainly has the gift to get her point across - for me personally a great read and some other great blogs to connect to.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Plan A
I've just realized I left you all hanging so just a quick post before I head off to my mets support group at the clinic.
Met up with Dr. RO last week and it's decided - we're going with Plan A - a little radiation to try and eradicate the new bone tumours. A great Dr. - very imformative, straight-up with possible complications - like trying not to get any of my bladder or colon when they 'hit' me - and answered all my questions to my satisfaction and the big plus - he had on the nicest suit & tie - none of that lab-coat look! Do I really judge some of my Dr.'s by the way the dress - seems so!
Dr. RO is away for a couple of weeks now and I decided that I'd wait till he get back to get started as the pain is bearable so likely I'll hear of the Plan in a week or so. He says that probably only 2 treatements for now and then monitor via Dr. O by way of scans etc unless I start feeling any new symptons. Which of course I have in my upper right arm/shoulder for the last 3 weeks although nothing showed up on the bone scan so I'll deal with that at my next appt in a couple of weeks.
Want to share my fabulous evening out with Irene & David last Thursday. My nephew Chad is a chef at the Fairmont Pacific Rim downtown - quite the luxury hotel I must say - in the upscale Oru dining room. Each month they have a feature dinner item and Chad's creation was the feature for September and being the proud parents we are (!) we went to behold and feast on his creation. We were treated like royalty and spoiled with amazing food. We moved thru exquisite appetizers to dinners. Chad's dinner creation of "Five Spice Venison with seared pine mushroom, sautéed brussel sprouts with kabocha squash purée and venison maple jus" was melt in your mouth delicious and we shared this along with 2 other scrumptious dinners. An then dessert appeared...
Met up with Dr. RO last week and it's decided - we're going with Plan A - a little radiation to try and eradicate the new bone tumours. A great Dr. - very imformative, straight-up with possible complications - like trying not to get any of my bladder or colon when they 'hit' me - and answered all my questions to my satisfaction and the big plus - he had on the nicest suit & tie - none of that lab-coat look! Do I really judge some of my Dr.'s by the way the dress - seems so!
Dr. RO is away for a couple of weeks now and I decided that I'd wait till he get back to get started as the pain is bearable so likely I'll hear of the Plan in a week or so. He says that probably only 2 treatements for now and then monitor via Dr. O by way of scans etc unless I start feeling any new symptons. Which of course I have in my upper right arm/shoulder for the last 3 weeks although nothing showed up on the bone scan so I'll deal with that at my next appt in a couple of weeks.
Want to share my fabulous evening out with Irene & David last Thursday. My nephew Chad is a chef at the Fairmont Pacific Rim downtown - quite the luxury hotel I must say - in the upscale Oru dining room. Each month they have a feature dinner item and Chad's creation was the feature for September and being the proud parents we are (!) we went to behold and feast on his creation. We were treated like royalty and spoiled with amazing food. We moved thru exquisite appetizers to dinners. Chad's dinner creation of "Five Spice Venison with seared pine mushroom, sautéed brussel sprouts with kabocha squash purée and venison maple jus" was melt in your mouth delicious and we shared this along with 2 other scrumptious dinners. An then dessert appeared...
I'll let the picture speak for itself - 3 of everything chocolate - very happy that Chadwick was working the desert station that night! We were served all our courses by the chef's - Chad, Head Chef Yvonne, Sous-chef Chris - and Executive Sous-Chef Murray stopped by for a chat - everyone was so generous of their time considering the party of 140 in the private room. I think the way we were treated that night is a testament to how much they like and appreciate Chad - we of course know what a wonderful and amazing person he is!
Running late now!
Have a good week my friends.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Pink Scminck
October is officially known as Breast Cancer Awareness month. My question is this - what about the other 11 months of the year? Is October the only month to say it out loud? To those in the BC community, and those of us with MBC, it would be a fantastical dream if October was the only month we had to deal with it.
Another question is - who decided pink was the right color for cancer? Back in 199? the American Cancer Society joined forces with - guess what - a pharmaceutical company. Conflict of interest perhaps. Then along came Estee Lauder Corp who created the pink ribbon as a symbol for awareness. Fair enough - pink is considered the color for the feminine gender. But let me tell you pink is certainly not the color of cancer. Cancer isn't even a color. It's a lifestyle, it's a job, it's exhausting and it's scary. It isn't pink scarves, pink jewellery, pink makeup, pink ribbons or magazines devoting their October issues to the cause of breast cancer. Cancer inhabits not just the body, it takes up more space in the mind than one can possibly imagine.
The pink world is out of control. Pink is now a business unto itself. If it's pink then let's associate it with BC. Let's create another pink T-shirt, another pink lipstick, another pink coffee mug. Every October thousands of businesses create 'pink' merchandise and sell them with the promise of some token % to be donated to cancer research. Do you really need anymore pink? Instead of buying something pink for $20 and having 10% donated to research consider simply donating the $20 - you'll get a tax receipt for that and you won't have to put that pink thing in the back of your closet in the pink pile. Or simply don't buy it. Unless you really love pink or are under the age of 10.
Rest easy Jill
Another question is - who decided pink was the right color for cancer? Back in 199? the American Cancer Society joined forces with - guess what - a pharmaceutical company. Conflict of interest perhaps. Then along came Estee Lauder Corp who created the pink ribbon as a symbol for awareness. Fair enough - pink is considered the color for the feminine gender. But let me tell you pink is certainly not the color of cancer. Cancer isn't even a color. It's a lifestyle, it's a job, it's exhausting and it's scary. It isn't pink scarves, pink jewellery, pink makeup, pink ribbons or magazines devoting their October issues to the cause of breast cancer. Cancer inhabits not just the body, it takes up more space in the mind than one can possibly imagine.
The pink world is out of control. Pink is now a business unto itself. If it's pink then let's associate it with BC. Let's create another pink T-shirt, another pink lipstick, another pink coffee mug. Every October thousands of businesses create 'pink' merchandise and sell them with the promise of some token % to be donated to cancer research. Do you really need anymore pink? Instead of buying something pink for $20 and having 10% donated to research consider simply donating the $20 - you'll get a tax receipt for that and you won't have to put that pink thing in the back of your closet in the pink pile. Or simply don't buy it. Unless you really love pink or are under the age of 10.
Rest easy Jill
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