Hope, Hopeful, Faith, Optimism

Call it what you want as long as you have it. Have it in all phases of your life, have it for yourself, your family, your friends, your acquaintances your neighbors, for people you don't know, fill up on it, believe in it and live it.

I'm feeling very optimistic this week - test results show my tumour markers are down again!! Back on the chemo yesterday for another two week round and have a CT scheduled for early May that will hopefully confirm either shrinkage or stability - I'm good with either! The lack of sensitivity of some Dr's bedside manner can take you by surprise sometimes - consider this last appt. I had a stand-in Dr. do my check-up before I saw Dr. K. I felt like I was interrupting her script with my questions and that she was far too busy to see me - aren't I a patient? Isn't that what she does for a living? Anyway I did manage to get my question in re the odd dizzy spells I've been having the last couple of months - were they related to side-effects from the capecitabine? No - I don't get headaches, no - dont'get them all the time or even a lot, no - sleeping isn't a problem. Her reply - "Well dizzy spells aren't normally one of side effects that we know of so if they persist we'll do a scan to see if you have brain mets." Just like that - cold & straight. Now brain mets isn't something I've ever worried about nor has it ever been mentioned in any conversation - the cancer is in my abdomen area. Why would a Dr. say that - like that - like there was no possible other reason than brain mets for the odd dizzy spell. I've told Dr. K. that she is not on the list of Dr.'s I want to see again. And I have faith that I don't have brain mets and she was just way out of line.

My dear sister-friend also had excellent news this week - she's been fighting a long time and deserves every bit of good news she can get - you go girl!! And from what I hear Jason is still recovering well and gaining his strength back - so if you're reading Jason - keep putting one foot in front of the other!!

I attended the White Rock Nite of Hope fundraiser last night - what an extraordinary event they put together - sold out again this year. A dress-up nite for me - rare occasions now but with my lovely nieces we showed up and did our our best to add to the fundraising total!! The goal was to raise $500,000 and I'm pretty sure they went well over their goal. It's a huge event and inspiring to see how a community comes together to support the CBCF - the sponsors, the donors, the volunteers - a huge project that I'm sure takes all year to prepare for.

Part of the evening is recognition of breast cancer survivors in the audience and last night they asked the survivors to come on-stage for a tribute. I never know what to do in these situations since I don't feel like a survivor - I'm surviving - I haven't beaten this thing nor will I. What does that make me?? Thoughts to ponder.