Decadence

It's pretty decadent to have someone clean your house while you sit at your computer and read blogs doncha think?? Especially when you're single, your cat isn't that messy and you're in relatively good health!! There's about to be an upheaval tho - I'll have to move to the living room soon so she can clean my office.... oh Jen how I adore you!

I'm throwing all my everything behind my beautiful friend Kirsten who is having a very very hard time of it lately... she is struggling to get some serious issues under control. And to my fabulous friend Jeanne who has embarked on another ride with chemo - Jeanne - this blue is for you!

There's such a feeling of helplessness when I see these two magnificent people going thru the all the shit that is cancer when they have both already endured more than they should have to. Or anybody should have to. It's that simple. Figure this - you're sick, you've got cancer - and the answer to that is.... let's make you sicker - sicker than you already are - with the goal to make you well again. Please somebody somewhere someday soon - discover an easier way for those in treatment to reach that goal...

It's a musical kinda weekend for me. Tonight - well I'm just beside myself! Tonight I will spend a couple of hours in the company of my not-so-secret inamorata - Kris Kristofferson - he's probably the only one who doesn't know! Sexy, talented, handsome, crazy, funny and a poet for all seasons - I was smitten by that man many years ago. Yup - I could just sit and look at and listen to him all day long but I'll settle for a front(ish) row center seat and gaze longingly up at him with the ridiculous notion that he'll notice me and ask me back-stage to chat!! A girl can dream. And then tomorrow 'Grease' the musical at the QE Theatre. How much fun - I've seen the movie several times but never live so really looking forward to it.

I'm finally feeling better after a two-week bout of bronchitis along with a very bad cold which not only knocked me off my feet but put me in emergency for a day. Breathing was quite a problem as was trying to talk and laughing was definitely out of the question. Didn't experience the great outdoors for almost two weeks other than my oncology appt and missed out on what I know would have been a fabulous evening with my friends Merv & Anne from Kelowna. Feeling crappy from the bronchitis overroad feeling crappy from the chemo - hurray for Prednisone! I'm a few days into my two weeks off from chemo and hope to have my strength back before the next round.

Stay well my friends...

Early Morning Ramblings...

4:30 AM - my eyes slammed open and I knew... just knew this was going to be a long day! Explain to me how I can sleep till 11am one day and 4:30am the next - whatever happened to to a good solid 8 hours? Too much thinking time getting up this early. So how about a blog post? Of course now most of those thoughts have dissolved or become murky in my mind but these are the leftovers.....

Random Thoughts:

1. Re-evaluate the way I post - I don't write for days or weeks or sometimes even longer and then a long rambling post - I'm going to attempt more regular shorter postings - maybe even lighten up - no promises tho..
2. What about my 'Bucket List"? What do I want to do before I die - not that I'm dying anytime soon I'm happy to say. But.... you gotta watch out for the bus!
3. My failing memory - is it chemo or is it age or is it laziness? My brain just feels broken these days - i need some mental stimulation.
4. Annie really needs to get her winter hair-cut. So do I.
5. Do I want to travel? Or do I just think I should? What's wong with staying in my comfort zone? Just cuz my friends & family are going to warm, sunny, exciting places...
6. Should I trade in my Honda for an Altima?
7. How much brown sugar can you put on your oatmeal before it becomes unhealthy??

My medical update is pretty much status-quo. Now on my 13th round of chemo and while the it appears it's keeping the cancer at bay, the biggest concern now is my deteriorating kidney function. Seems a tumour is blocking my right kidney and something needs to be done. I'll have to have a stent inserted, probably in the next few months, to save the kidney but for now we're just going month-by-month. Not a temporary situation - I'll have to have the stent changed every 8-10 weeks forever so stalling until just before I get into any serious trouble seems to be the way to go on that one! Aaaaaaraghhhh!

Missed the last two Callanish Writes classes because of a cold/bronchitis for the last 10 days. Excited for our next writing circle. Sending loving positive thoughts to my darling sister-friend Kirsten (and CW facilitator) who is having a pretty rough go of it lately - I' hoping we both make the Nov 2nd session.

I'm off to do my important job today - a manicure/pedicure - wishing you all a good day!

My Painting Experience...

Well I did it... I went, I painted and I had fun. Well for the most part anyway. Anxiety over the whole weekend almost paralysed me starting with the border using my Nexus pass for the first time - irrationally fearing that I would say something that would end in my getting schackled and thrown out of the US forever... but the nice fella said - Is it just you in the vehicle (duh!!), I said yup (probably said Yes Sir) and he said 'have a good day' - easy-peasy. Now to find my chosen B & B in Capital Hill. Where?? I've only ever stayed in downtown Seattle but my in a moment of bravery I said to myself if I'm going to be brave let's jump in with both feet - never been on a painting workshop (cuz I'm not a 'painter') and never stayed in a B&B. The Shafer Baillie Mansion was magnificent - amazingly restored in every detail, in a neighborhood of other old and beautiful homes on streets lined with colossal towering trees unfolding the exquisite colors of fall. Having said that, I think I'm more of a 'hotel' kinda gal although if I was travelling with someone else I may feel different - not totally discounting staying in a B&B again.

The Painting Experience was .... well quite an experience!! Fortunately I've had much Callanish 'training' in the areas of deep breathing, staying in the moment and acknowleding my inner critic!! This workshop embraces the idea of exploring your personal experience by putting brush to paper - without judgement, without right or wrong, and without any commentary from other participants. A practice I find very liberating. To peel the layers of your own onion so to speak. Although I didn't know it when I started out Friday night, the next 2 days were spent creating and putting color to the heavy load of sadness I've been carrying this last few months. And it was cathartic.. and not without a little humour I might add!! I learned a lot about the 'act' of painting and may now be inclined to break out my paint & brushes at home - and no... you can't see my work!

Trying to get back to to where I was staying was a nightmare - I got lost all three days. First night I ended up out at the Seattle Port on Hwy 99 - felt like I was almost in Olympia - that night it took just over an hour to find my way back. Saturday night in the pouring pounding rain I ended up in the University area - where to my delight there was a football game happening with more roadblocks, cars, people and police than I have ever see in one place. Saturday night get-back time was 1 hour and 45 minute - including 5 minutes on the side of a street having a meltdown. Sunday I had a plan - if I couldn't find my way the first time - and I didn't - the plan was to go right into downtown and get on I-5 North and find the right exit from the freeway - which I did and spent only a brief 40 minutes getting back to where I started. Not bad considering Fremont is only 15 minutes from where I was staying. Perhaps a GPS is in order....

Anyway after a mini-shop at Nordstrom's I headed home. My angst at crossing the border - this time with purchases over the limit - started to close in... OMG ... handed the gal my declaration slip and she says 'Have a nice day' - perhaps I should paint thru my paranoia!! Home safe, sound and very very tired.. feet up today - that's my plan - no GPS required.

Stay well everyone.

Rest easy Diane.