This is an open letter to everyone I know and don't know .... my sister, my brothers, my 'kids', my kids kids, my friends, my acquaintances, and to those I don't know but who randomly read my blog ... and to myself.
My friend Marilyn was killed last week - May 18, 2011 by a hit and run driver. She went out for dog food and was two minutes from her home.
So don't wait. Don't wait on the world. Don't wait for life to come to you - it won't - you have to find your life. Be brave, find someone to love, someone who will love you back as completely as you love them. Be a team.
Live out loud - now. Find your passion and live it or learn it or be in it and then wallow in it.
Enjoy a lazy day but don't live a lazy life. Be connected to all that makes you feel right and good - not just okay.
Don't settle for okay - don't settle for 'just okay', don't settle for 'okay for now' - not even for the short term. Don't settle for a job that doesn't fulfill you but pays the bills, don't settle for a relationship that doesn't fill your needs, don't settle for people who want more from you than you have to give.
Settle for great - settle for great love, great friends, great family, great community, great contentment, great career, great joy and great laughter. Live a life of abundance.
Keep moving forward - don't wait for the heavens to open and life to explain itself - it won't. Life is what we have today... along with our yesterdays - our memories are our life. Figure it out as you go along - don't wait for the bolt of lightening.
Ask for what you need - from yourself, your friends, your family, your mentors and the universe. Figure out what completes you. You. Know that as much as you might think you are in control, it's an illusion. Be the best you can be - start now.
One small act of kindness is food for your soul - so be kind to yourself and anyone you meet on your way.
It's not life that is short - it's each day that is short. Make a plan, try your hardest, do your best - for 24 hours at a time.
I've known people who lived to 28 and some who have lived to 100 - and many many in between.
Don't race thru life trying to grab all the apples from the tree - but please don't lie sleeping under the tree until all the apples are gone either.
Don't fake it, don't ignore it, don't take it for granted, don't be scare of it.
Stand your ground, state your truth, be committed and be flexible.
Keep your friends in your pocket and pick being loved over being right.
Rest easy Marilyn.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
It's ugly out there
And I don't mean just the weather... although it's realllly getting on my nerves. I have this great big beautiful deck just crying out to be set up and used but the only thing cryin' is the sky.
Chaos reigns in my house again as my new floors are being laid. This is just as bad as doing the last reno - I've got toilets in bath tubs, vanities, dishwashers & stoves in the dining room and an inch of dust from all the cutting everywhere. I've seen more men in my house this last week than I have in the last decade! Hopefully by Friday it'll all be put back together. What a disaster a bit of water can make - everybody make a 'note to self' - check water tank on a regular basis!
An unbelievable loss in my Mets Group community - 9 days after returning home from retreat my friend Cheryle passed away. Our community is well aware that things can change quickly but this has taken my breathe away. Cheryle is an art teacher and took us thru an art exercise that is now more precious than ever. She was so happy and had so much fun on retreat getting to know everyone since she hadn't been coming very long. We, and I include Cheryle here, had no idea things were so precarious. Another lesson is living in the moment.
I've been debating on how much to share about my follow-up appointment and have decided to let the truth prevail. Had a long talk with my new best friend - Chris (the urologist) about this 'n that 'n things 'n stuff. The outcome of it all is that on Friday AM I went back into VGH to have a nephrostomy tube inserted to drain my kidney. Talk about a woman with baggage now!! The hope is that they will be able to do some diagnostic testing on the specimen's that can give some indication of whether or not there is cancer in the ureter. We also discussed the option of taking the right kidney out - which in my mind is not that big a deal (since I'm not having it done right now!) - I have a perfectly good left kidney after all and amazingly you can live with 1/2 kidney - who knew?? Chris said that if I were a perfectly healthy woman that's what he would recommend however, apparently I'm not! So one foot in front of the other. Bone scan this week and next oncology appointment June 1st - I think that will be a significant appt and hoping Irene will be with me.
As always trying to stay in the present. We are looking at this procedure as a temporary measure right now but I can already tell you it's not my favorite thing.
Can't help myself - really want to sign off 'Love - Bag Lady' today!
Stay well my friends.
Rest easy Cheryle
Chaos reigns in my house again as my new floors are being laid. This is just as bad as doing the last reno - I've got toilets in bath tubs, vanities, dishwashers & stoves in the dining room and an inch of dust from all the cutting everywhere. I've seen more men in my house this last week than I have in the last decade! Hopefully by Friday it'll all be put back together. What a disaster a bit of water can make - everybody make a 'note to self' - check water tank on a regular basis!
An unbelievable loss in my Mets Group community - 9 days after returning home from retreat my friend Cheryle passed away. Our community is well aware that things can change quickly but this has taken my breathe away. Cheryle is an art teacher and took us thru an art exercise that is now more precious than ever. She was so happy and had so much fun on retreat getting to know everyone since she hadn't been coming very long. We, and I include Cheryle here, had no idea things were so precarious. Another lesson is living in the moment.
I've been debating on how much to share about my follow-up appointment and have decided to let the truth prevail. Had a long talk with my new best friend - Chris (the urologist) about this 'n that 'n things 'n stuff. The outcome of it all is that on Friday AM I went back into VGH to have a nephrostomy tube inserted to drain my kidney. Talk about a woman with baggage now!! The hope is that they will be able to do some diagnostic testing on the specimen's that can give some indication of whether or not there is cancer in the ureter. We also discussed the option of taking the right kidney out - which in my mind is not that big a deal (since I'm not having it done right now!) - I have a perfectly good left kidney after all and amazingly you can live with 1/2 kidney - who knew?? Chris said that if I were a perfectly healthy woman that's what he would recommend however, apparently I'm not! So one foot in front of the other. Bone scan this week and next oncology appointment June 1st - I think that will be a significant appt and hoping Irene will be with me.
As always trying to stay in the present. We are looking at this procedure as a temporary measure right now but I can already tell you it's not my favorite thing.
Can't help myself - really want to sign off 'Love - Bag Lady' today!
Stay well my friends.
Rest easy Cheryle
Friday, May 6, 2011
Since the retreat...
Enough of the fun - back to reality! Panic phone calls on my cell from VGH - get in here - get pre-admission done for Wednesday day surgery! Tuesday - 7:30 AM - I'm there. And what a way to start - the gal at the desk flattered the heck out of me over my tasteful little outfit - which I consider just getting dressed in black & white cuz it always works and is really easy @ 6AM! Then the first nurse AGAIN! So I'm good with all those compliments cuz I know I won't be looking that good when I get there Wednesday and really not good when I leave!!
Now down to business - answering the same questions - over and over and over again. I get it, really I do, but jeeze louise.. that info is most definitely in my file already.. and I do know what the surgery is for. A triple-decker by the urologist - let's find out about that blockage. Time of surgery Wednesday - 3:30 PM!! Happy to talk to the anesthesiologist - they won't give the drug that made my heart stop in my last surgery - good to hear! Still a little nervous tho - but I'll get over that when I wake up.
Fast forward to Wednesday - Big Bro picks me up and away we go - more hurry up and wait. Change into my next outfit of the day - blue is so not my color and I prefer pants over dresses but what can you do.. Still not too nervous. Dr. Sam drops by - he's helping Dr. N - who drops by with a backpack on - a backpack!! Puh-leeze, I only elevated you to adult status last week - lose the backpack, get a trendy briefcase. Maybe I'll buy him one if this goes well. So I won't bore you with the details cuz I can't remember but the outcome is this - 2 out of 3 procedures went well however the main reason for this whole thing is to find out what the blockage is and do a biopsy. Well... he couldn't get the scope into the ureter cuz it's so narrow now and thus we're sorta back where we started - other than he thinks there's very little functioning of the right kidney. Which I find odd. Follow-up appointment next week to seek what the next step is. And I will not worry because I can't do anything about it. And he's not getting a new briefcase just yet.
My heart is aching for my friend Susan and her husband Dallas - Susan is really struggling thru the effects of her 2nd TheraSphere treatment - such a brutal treatment - it just has to work. You may not know my friend but if you can include her in your thoughts and healing prayers I know she'll receive them - thank you.
And thank you Big Bro for keeping me sane & safe yesterday.
Stay well my friends.
Now down to business - answering the same questions - over and over and over again. I get it, really I do, but jeeze louise.. that info is most definitely in my file already.. and I do know what the surgery is for. A triple-decker by the urologist - let's find out about that blockage. Time of surgery Wednesday - 3:30 PM!! Happy to talk to the anesthesiologist - they won't give the drug that made my heart stop in my last surgery - good to hear! Still a little nervous tho - but I'll get over that when I wake up.
Fast forward to Wednesday - Big Bro picks me up and away we go - more hurry up and wait. Change into my next outfit of the day - blue is so not my color and I prefer pants over dresses but what can you do.. Still not too nervous. Dr. Sam drops by - he's helping Dr. N - who drops by with a backpack on - a backpack!! Puh-leeze, I only elevated you to adult status last week - lose the backpack, get a trendy briefcase. Maybe I'll buy him one if this goes well. So I won't bore you with the details cuz I can't remember but the outcome is this - 2 out of 3 procedures went well however the main reason for this whole thing is to find out what the blockage is and do a biopsy. Well... he couldn't get the scope into the ureter cuz it's so narrow now and thus we're sorta back where we started - other than he thinks there's very little functioning of the right kidney. Which I find odd. Follow-up appointment next week to seek what the next step is. And I will not worry because I can't do anything about it. And he's not getting a new briefcase just yet.
My heart is aching for my friend Susan and her husband Dallas - Susan is really struggling thru the effects of her 2nd TheraSphere treatment - such a brutal treatment - it just has to work. You may not know my friend but if you can include her in your thoughts and healing prayers I know she'll receive them - thank you.
And thank you Big Bro for keeping me sane & safe yesterday.
Stay well my friends.
Getting to know you....
My last couple of weeks were spent putting the final details together for and heading off on another retreat - this time with my 'other' community - the Metastatic Women's Support Group from BCCA. What a time we had! Oh my my - the universe was looking out for us - perfect weather for 3 days in the midst of all the cold, cloudy and rainy days. In my mind the retreat should be call the Women, Wisdom & Wine retreat!! We laughed, we wrote, we 'art-ed', we shared, we laughed, we danced, we meditated, we walked, we ate, and we ate and we ate, and we had the odd glass of wine. Oh yes and we shopped like crazy women on the 40-minute ride to Langdale - who knew the ferry would have such great stuff!! I will one day head back to the Rockwater Secret Cover Resort - it is everything their website say it is - http://rockwatersecretcoveresort.com/ - stayed in a tent suite one night - totally decadent! Service fabulous, right on the ocean, surrounded by Arbutus trees, highly recommended by me! This is the 3rd retreat over 4 years with the Mets Group and an invaluable way to get to know each other in a way that doesn't involve cancer - which is pretty much all we have time to talk about when we meet for 1 1/2 hours twice a month so thank you my friends for inviting me into your lives and sharing your stories and laughter - I love you all! One of my thank-you gifts from the participants - do they know me well??
Rest easy Candy.
Rest easy Rachel.
Rest easy Rachel.
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