Positive Thinking .... or Realism

At the Mets Support Group yesterday we had a discussion on the power of positive thinking, a concept that has been around certainly since I was young and naive. Which led me to thinking about how I think... and it's complicated. I don't believe anyone has just 'one' way of thinking, life happens and it's just simply not all good. What I do believe though is that - for me - positive thinking is my base for how I handle and react to my life. Call me Pollyanna if you will but right after you call me that you must also call me a realist. I like to think that for most part people are good and generous and kind, that you get what you give and that it's way easier to be kind and happy than sad or angry or mean.

So given my latest test results, I'm getting back on track to 'positive' - and no, not that "It's so wonderful that the results weren't THAT bad" kind of positive. It's more of a "Well things are changing but I'm still in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in" kind of positive. But I'm also a realist - I know my road is going to get bumpy and this is a new and unwanted phase. Just to clarify I am in no way 'giving up' - so not my style - but I also don't have my head in the sand.

I hate cancer, I hate everything it does, not only to the individual but to the families and friends who love and support and walk alongside those of us who deal with this disease. I hate that people suffer and die. I hate that children are left without a parent, that people lose their partners, that families lose their sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, mothers, father, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins or grandparent - I hate it all. But I have to live with this disease and while it might take over my body - it will never, ever take over my mind or my spirit.

I have lost so many friends over these past 4 years and it's hard. What sits in my heart is just profound sadness that this is happening - to me, to so many of my friends and to so many people I don't know.

Rest easy Zoe.