Sweet Surrender

I was thinking back to my drama moment last Thursday when I started my first dose of the chemo pills. I looked at them and looked at them for 1 1/2 hours and just couldn't swallow them. It wasn't the actual pills that were the problem it was the significance of the action. It was a no turning back point. It was jumping off a cliff. It was dark and angry moment. And it was scary - because, as many of us know, what is necessary to keep this disease at bay brings with it physical limitations that take us one step further away from life as we know it. Sometimes temporary but you're never the same, it would be unrealistic to think that a body wouldn't have long-term effects from absorbing the toxic substance of chemo drugs.

I want my old life back.


And then finally.... acceptance and instead of a cliff I took a jump off the side of a boat into the clear calm warm and eternally blue water in the Mediterranean. Because at the end of the day, there's really not an option.